she was so not down for the gang bang
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
