do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
