Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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