This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
