who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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