Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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