Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Your penis caused this!
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