I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
