he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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