I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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