I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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