Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
