"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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