I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
