Moan for me like Helen Keller
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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