i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
