I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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