you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
