So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
