Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
