Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have aggressive nipples.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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