A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
