Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
