I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
