I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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