toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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