im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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