I just saw a hot homeless man
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
