is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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