she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
