sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
