just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
