Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
ok first of all what the fuck
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
