I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
