I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
