i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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