Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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