Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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