i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
