How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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