Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
