I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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