Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
