Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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