yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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