Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
