there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
