There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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