Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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