it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
