remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
