i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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