There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
