He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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