No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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