dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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