I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
How does one acquire holy water?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
