i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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