Soap is not a condiment
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
