were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
This toilet bowl is my home.
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