In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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