i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
