It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
