ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm just crazy horny about you
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
