Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
