my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
