Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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