i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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