Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
