I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize