I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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