I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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