Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
