WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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