you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
