I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
